I genuinely need to know AITAH because I'm autistic and struggle with communication. For context, my wife and I have been together for 7 years and have lived together the whole time. When we moved in together, she brought her cat with her by default even though I'm VERY allergic to cats. I have tried all these years to make this work and have never made it an issue till now because I can't take it anymore and my allergy just gets worse with age. I live in a constant state of allergic reaction. My eyes swell up and burn till I can't see and my throat closes up if I lay on our bed or on our couch because the cat has been there. I can't even touch my face when I'm home. Every day for all these years I've taken daily eyedrops, daily allergy pills, and daily nasal spray. I even have an inhaler I use for it. The cherry on top is that now the cat is starting to misbehave even more than normal. He has started to poop on the carpet despite knowing better (an expensive vet visit confirmed no health reasons) and he hacks up hairballs all over the place. He started tearing up our bed frame and waking me up over ten times every single night. I'm the only one that cleans his litter box, cleans his bowls, vacuums up his hair that is on EVERYTHING, and cleans his puke and poop, despite my allergies. I keep trying to get my wife to let him go live with her mom (he has lived with her before and they adore each other) but my wife REFUSES every time no matter what I've had to endure from all this. Right before I wrote this post I just got off the phone with her where I was crying out of frustration about it. She didn't seem to care at all and firmly just kept saying how she won't do anything about it. I feel like I'm less important to her than the cat at this point. Mostly because if the roles were reversed and she was living like this, she wouldn't have to beg for me to do what's best for her health and wellbeing. AITAH for asking this of her? Please help. ------------UPDATE-------------- Thanks everyone for your replies so far! Just to answer a few questions I've gotten from you guys: • When we first got married and moved in together, my cat allergy was still bad but very manageable. Over time it has gotten very bad and it seems all the medicine I have for it is doing almost nothing now, not sure if it's from prolonged use or something. So that's why I agreed to even move in with the cat in the first place for those of you that asked. I didn't know it would get this bad seven years later. • I mentioned my autism diagnosis because since I'm bad at communication due to it, I wasn't sure if my question would make sense or come across right. Also I wasn't sure if the issue I'm having was a "normal" problem or if it was just me misunderstanding or being too sensitive. So that's why I prefaced with that. • For those of you that asked why I even stay with my wife or why I'm with her in the first place, I love her with my entire being. When I gave her my vows I truly meant them, and I'm not leaving my wife and my marriage over a cat. I just needed to know if I was an asshole for even asking her to rehome the cat in the first place or if I was being insensitive. • I have looked into getting allergy shots before and I cannot afford them right now with all our other bills. Also my insurance doesn't cover them so I can't go that route either. • As for getting the cat to eat allergy specific food, I can't do that either sadly. He is on a special diet from his vet that he can't switch from so I can't do anything about his food. • I only solely take care of the cat because she works a full time job and I work part time so we agreed to this way of things years ago. Granted, again, back then I didn't know my allergies would get this bad years later. I've asked her to help with the cat more since then and she always says she will but if I don't scoop the litter box nobody will because his litter box is in our extra bedroom and she never goes in there so she looks over it I guess. I gave up on asking because nothing ever came of it and I still feel bad about her working more than me so I sucked it up. That's on me. • To those of you that said it's just a miscommunication between two adults, you're right, it is. I just needed to know if I was the asshole in the miscommunication. I'm also not sure how to communicate all of this with my wife any better than I already have over the few months. We've talked about it time and time again and I just wanted to see what other people saw when they looked at the situation. • Also for those of you that say she should leave me and choose her cat, I'm not asking her to give him away to a stranger, it's her literal mom. She could go see him if she wants to and I wouldn't have to live like this anymore. She is hardly ever home anyway and when she is home, she almost never spends time with the cat. I love the cat and I spend hours with him every day because it's not his fault that I'm allergic to him and I refuse to make him feel neglected. I brush him and play with him every day despite everything. He is literally laying next to me on the couch as I write this with tissues stuffed up my nose. I just want what's best for both of us. • I really appreciate you guys giving me new angles to look at even if you think I'm the ass lol. After all these years of stewing on this, fresh eyes on it are more helpful than you know, so thank you.