So I am gonna start by saying...my SIL is delightful she is very shy but I appreciate the effort she puts in and have no problem with her. (Other I would like to get to know her more considering it feels Odd to call her my SIL cause of how quickly my bro married her which is understandable for anyone with a BIL or a SIL and I worked years to cultivate a good relationship with my bro...and I want to make sure it stays that way). I am gonna start by saying I am Chronicly Ill, my family lives over an hour away which I must take a train over. So when I come home for a holiday, especially on a weekend, I like to leave first thing the next day so I can have a day to recharge, because between dealing with family members and traveling its alot so I try not to push myself more than I need to. The past couple of holidays I had to go out of my comfort zone, so my mom can start inviting my brothers inlaws to the house for the holidays...even insisted I go out of my way to go their house for holidays I dont celebrate. And Believe me I tried, but they seem very standoffish and make me so uncomfortable (The mom in particular is very bossy and helicoptery). I kinda had my last straw with them when we were setting up for my brothers wedding Bro's MIL took too long in the make up chair and bled into my alotted time with the make up artist and then demanded we take pictures when I didnt even at least have eye make up on which would have been humiliating cause everyone else in the photos had makeup. On top of it I kinda got humiliated when everyone in my family and her fam made a speech at the wedding party and didnt leave time for me (her mom planned alot of the wedding). So I felt unwelcomed. I basically told my mother at this point that my brothers in laws are not my family and if they are not going to be understanding of my needs and completely treat me like garbage, I dont want dont want to go out of my way to getting to know them. I did say to my mom if they come for the holidays I will stay an extra day at our house but I draw the line at going to their place for Holidays I dont celebrate. Frankly she has my back because she doesnt like the MIL either. The only thing I am worried about is if its morally right to be like look they are not really my family, they are gonna be there for a few life events I don't really need to buddy up as this is not a common topic talked about. So I kinda need to know if I am being an AH here and if I am and if you are in my situation how could I not be.