Hello, all. This is my first time posting on Reddit so forgive me for any errors. Throwaway and minimized personal details. To start I, 18F, am friends with Jean, turning 18F. We met in school and have been best friends since tenth grade (3 years). I have been debating writing a post like this for some time now but her party in a few months is the push I need. For some backstory, Jean and I dated within the same friend group \~1yr ago. Jean had already been dating Kath (18F) for \~1yr by the time I got with my now ex. Many of the members in the friend group had been my friends before my ex and I got together and over the 6 month course of my relationship, I considered the others to be my friends too. When my ex broke up with me, I made an effort not to talk about it to any of our mutual friends because I know that trying to win people over for something as petty as a high school relationship is stupid. They did not follow that route, and I discovered that 6 hours after my breakup my ex had been talking to Daph (18F) at a party about me. Then, a day later, "our" friends (Daph too) gathered in public together and talked about me loudly. Another friend overheard and told me. Daph was the most insulting because she had confirmed a ride to school while she was talking badly about me, and I had obliged. The general story from everyone is "Well I wasn't the one saying anything about you" which doesn't make sense because my friend had to overhear *something.* Regardless, I thought I was done with these people past graduation. I made it clear I had no interest in seeing them again, blocking them all ASAP. Daph especially, as she had continued to talk about me to everyone throughout the rest of the year. I don't like to throw around the word bullying lightly, and maybe this isn't that, but it yielded the same effect. Kath is also abusive to Jean but I can't get into that without potentially revealing too much (yes Jean is still with Kath, yes I have tried, no there isn't anything anyone can do). Today, Jean revealed her 18th birthday guest list and I expected Kath to be there but Daph pushed me over the edge. Daph isn't a close friend of Jean's, and has made up rumors about Jean's other friends too. I immediately asked Jean about her, to which Jean replied that we didn't have to speak or be near one another, which I know won't be possible. The very thought of seeing these people made me physically ill and panic, so I am naturally not inclined to go, and would rather spend time with Jean alone (not asking her to change her guest list because wtv, it's her choice). Still, I want to support her for her important birthday. WIBTA for not going/should I just suck it up for a few hours? And, WIBTA for communicating to Jean that it genuinely bothers me that she supports and remains friends with many of these people to this day? I don't want to be dramatic, or make it seem like I'm trying to dictate her choices, but it's hurtful as her best friend.