I 20 F, turning 21 come from an African household where family is everything, but I’ve always felt pretty neglected. I’ve never had a birthday party because it was too expensive, I don’t get presents from family (not for birthdays or Christmas), and I don’t even have a bedroom at home since I was told to give it up when my sister had her baby, so now I sleep on the sofa whenever I’m back from uni and all my bedroom stuff was put into storage 2 hours away that i’m paying for. My parents also don’t support me financially, so I work a lot more hours than a typical student just to afford to live at uni. Because of all this, I don’t usually do much for my birthdays. The one nice thing I’ve had in recent years is celebrating with my boyfriend and we had a small dinner. This year I was really looking forward to doing something with my uni friends, probably just a pub night but it’s the biggest thing i’ve done since i feel 21 is kind of a milestone and it has to be at uni bc my home friends will be away at their unis since it’s during term time the problem is my niece’s first birthday is on September 21st and mine is on the 27th. When my sister said she wanted to throw a party for my niece, I was happy to attend. I assumed it would be on the weekend of the 21st But then my sister said she couldn’t do the 21st because her friends wouldn’t want to travel on a Sunday, and she refused to do Saturday the 20th because “you can’t celebrate a birthday before it’s happened.” Instead, she booked a hall for the 27th which is my birthday When I told her I was upset, she guilt tripped me, saying I’d already said I’d come which I did, back when I thought it was the 21st. She even suggested I bring friends to up the numbers, but all my home friends will be back at their unis, and my uni friends aren’t going to travel 5+ hours for a kids’ party. The part that really stings is that now I’ve found out she’s still doing smaller celebrations for my niece on her actual birthday aswell(the 21st) and the big party on the 27th. So my niece basically gets two birthdays, and I lose mine entirely. CONTEXT : 1 - i understand i could do something the weekend after but it wouldn’t even be September anymore and also it’s mostly about the principle. 2 - my sister also hasn’t had birthday parties or anything, in fact her birthday on august 22 this year my parents both forgot so we both have not a great relationship with birthdays in general. 3 - it is not a surprise party, i’ve seen all the prep and designs for the hall it’s very clearly a kids party and my family aren’t surprise party people like i said they forgot my sisters birthday. 5 - i wasn’t able to attend the baby shower or naming ceremony because my work wouldn’t give me the time off and her friends/ some family members have already berated me for that and i don’t wanna deal with that agin