My husband (39m) & I (39f) are in a days-long fight about his toilet habits. We’ve been married for 13 years. It has not been all rainbows & sunshine, so we’ve been going to couples counseling for a few months now. The argument: Sometimes when I go to the bathroom, I see that my husband pooped, but forgot to flush. I didn’t say anything at first bc he works hard & he’s a busy man. However, it started happening more frequently the past couple months (once/twice a week I’d find his poo in the toilet), so I finally brought it up. Just like “Hey, [this scenario] has been happening more lately. Not a big deal. Please try to remember to flush.” He was apologetic, & said he would make an effort. Cool. Less than a week later, I went to the bathroom and got another brown peekaboo. No poop, but a bunch of toilet paper streaked with poop was sitting in the toilet. So I told my husband, “you forgot to flush again”. He replied “oh, yeah, I guess I did leave a bunch of toilet paper in the toilet. Sorry about that, it won’t happen again.” I replied, “No, it wasn’t just toilet paper. It was a bunch of *poopy* toilet paper.” I wanted to be clear about what the problem was, I didn’t want him to think I was just nagging about some lingering *plain clean* TP in the toilet. I feel like he has a history of downplaying or invalidating concerns that I voice to him, and I didn’t want that happening in this situation. He got defensive after I clarified that. It seemed like he wanted to explain why there was poopy TP, but no poop. Personally, I didn’t really think much about that until *he* brought up that point. He shouted “DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!?!” I was like, “ummmm, I guess so. I don’t think there’s a super obvious reason for a bunch of poopy TP hanging out on its lonesome. And I don’t like the condescending aggressive tone you’re speaking to me with.” He continued yelling about how sometimes he doesn’t get fully clean after pooping & initial wiping, so his butthole ends up feeling itchy later in the day, and so he’ll wipe it before getting in the shower. Hence, the poopy TP that he forgot to flush. From there, it totally blew up into a screaming match. I told him that he should just properly wipe his butt immediately after pooping. At some point in the yelling, he accused me of trying to shame and embarrass him. I said “Well that’s not my intent, but yeah, a grown adult SHOULD be properly wiping after going to the bathroom!!!!! And I know I would certainly be embarrassed if I was you rn! wtf??” We haven’t really been speaking for a few days. He said he’s sorry, but also thinks I should apologize, & he’s being aggressive about it. It was never my intent to make him feel badly. But I’m unwilling to apologize when he’s being so aggressive and accusatory. Yesterday, he told me in anger that I need individual therapy for my behavior. Considering our current work in couples counseling, I think we both could’ve been nicer during this exchange. AITA? eta: We have wet wipes next to the toilet, and a covered garbage bin in the bathroom for disposal. I’m pretty certain that he doesn’t use the wipes. Not sure why not.