Background: I, John, (36M) have been married for 9 years to Sue (34F). We each have a kids from before the marriage, both in highschool now. She wants to visit a cousin in California (39M) for about a week and I support her, even though its not a fun vacation trip I always support her when she wants to visit family. This cousin, call him Roman, she sees every 3 or 4 years, although I haven't me him as she often sees him on work trips to San Fran and LA and he misses family reunions for his own work. So about a month before the trip, she shares a "fun" message from her cousin Roman, who says "**Im sorry I havent met John before now, I really need to meet him to make sure he is good enough for my special little cousin Sue. I'll be watching him closely on the trip, see if he is the right man for you and earns my blessing"**. So, having been married for 9 years, I don't immediately think much of it. Its a weird message, a bit creepy considering we are already married and Im not a new boyfriend, but whats the harm? Its a bit extra weird given they arent close enough that this man has ever visited. I laugh and tell Sue its just a bit strange take on a 9 year marriage. At this point, all I am looking for is her confirmation she understands that her cousin doesnt decide her partner, and its a bit creepy to try to judge your cousins spouse after a decade of marriage. Or perhaps its all a nonfunny joke, which we are all guilty of from time to time. Instead she defends her cousin, saying its normal for him to act like a big brother and its perfectly appropriate for him to genuinely judge her partner. I try again to explain, ask her how she would feel if my mom or sisters said on our trip to visit that they were going to be judging her for suitability as my partner, to give their 'blessing'. How would that make her feel, how would she enjoy that trip? Again, she says its no big deal and I am overreacting and I need to get over it. She further digs in by saying I need to "work to impress her cousin". This feels insane to me. At this point, her failure to recognize how weird it is at this stage in our relationship is getting to be as weird or weirder than the initial message. In our last communication, I told her I wasn't going with her and we needed to have a serious talk about our relationship. For clarity: I get that male relatives might joke about checking out their relatives partner, but at this point its more about her taking it seriously as if she is evaluating me. It makes me think she is considering whether this is a good match and has a foot out the door. We have talked extensively about this and she is fully on board with the idea he is actually judging me and she hopes I impress him. WIBTA if I stick to not going? Am I overreacting by reassessing our relationship?